The Retarded Policeman and I have just finished our first night in the sun in New York City. 

The two of us were both wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the word Retarded and a white towel that had been taped to our backsides. 

I had on a pussy hat, my shirt was unbuttoned and I was wearing a pair of high heels. 

We had been drinking and laughing with a group of people around us and had spent most of the evening chatting. 

My partner and I had arrived from a bar in Manhattan and we were drinking heavily. 

It was a Friday night and I hadn’t even been out of bed for a week. 

But this was the kind of night that the rest of the world doesn’t really want to see. 

“You can’t have that,” I said as we made our way through a festival of people drinking, talking and celebrating in the city that has become my home for the past year. 

What I had witnessed on that night had been the first time in my life that I had ever felt the urge to go to the bathroom. 

Now, I didn’t know what to do. 

Why would I do that? 

I asked myself as I walked past a young couple enjoying their Sunday brunch at a popular coffee shop. 

How could I not? 

Why did I do it? 

We started to walk down the street and I told my partner, “I’m not going to do that.” 

“Oh yeah, I know, but you have to,” he said. 

After that, I felt completely out of control. 

So I decided to go ahead and do it. 

As I walked away from the bar, I saw a man in a suit walk down a nearby sidewalk. 

He stopped and turned to me and I saw him take out his wallet and walk away. 

A few minutes later, I turned back to see him with his back against the curb and his shirt completely unbuttoning. 

From that moment on, I was going to not do it, no matter what I was told. 

When I was at a party, I would always go in with a condom and wear a condom to prevent pregnancy. 

And in this particular case, the woman who was with me was not going for sex. 

She was wearing shorts and a tights. 

They were in the same color as the tights, so they looked like pajamas. 

One of the guys in the group told me I was wrong and that I was being too aggressive. 

In the end, I decided that I wasn’t going to go back to the bar. 

Instead, I headed to a nearby bar, and when I walked in, I noticed the woman standing in the bathroom next to me. 

 “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m fine,” she said. 

Once again, I wasn´t sure I wanted to go in because I wasn`t sure what I wanted to do with myself. 

Still, I walked in and the bartender greeted me.

“Do you have any questions?” 

The woman said, “What?”  I said, “…are you okay?” 

 “Yes, I am fine.” 

The woman then said, “Do you want a drink?” 

I was nervous. 

However, as I drank my second drink, I realized that I could still feel my body in my crotch. 

At that moment, I knew that I didn´t want to have sex with that woman. 

That was the first time in my life that I felt the sexual urge. 

This happened for the first and only time. 

Two weeks later, on December 4, my partner and I were on a cruise ship when a woman washes ashore near the port of Maritime Innocentia, a major port in the United States. Before we entered the ship, the woman approached me and said, ‘Do you know how much money you owe?’ 

I answered, “Of course I do.” 

She then said to me, “Now I know you’re not going home.” 

I then said something like, ‘I don’t want to get arrested.’ She then told me,  ‘You have to give up your seat on the ship.’ 

“That’s not how it works,” said my partier. 

‘We were both going to the bathroom.’ 

I replied, “‘But, don’t worry, I’ll pay for it when I get home.’ They then

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